Closing Remarks

 I want to start off by first expressing my gratitude for being able to share my experiences and what I have learned in my Family Studies class this semester. I have grown so much, and I have developed new skills about building effective relationships that I want to continue using in my life. 

One of the most important concepts I have learned this semester is how to effectively communicate with others. I didn’t realize how bad I was at communicating with others until I took this class. I’m not a confrontational person and often I would avoid talking about serious subjects with other people because I didn’t want to either get into a disagreement or hurt their feelings. This caused me to not talk about my feelings with others and often times people would treat me unfairly because they knew I wouldn’t say anything about it. This semester I have worked on expressing myself in a thoughtful manner and trying to have deeper conversations with other people. I’ve noticed that I’m a lot happier because I don’t bottle things up anymore and people are treating me with more respect. I’m currently in a relationship and one thing we talk about is how important communication is to us. We are both the kind of people that are fine with not talking for long periods of time, but we both realized that it wouldn’t be good for us to develop habits like that and so we both try to communicate with each other as often as we can. 

Along with communication, I also enjoyed learning how to date effectively this past semester. Being a student at BYUI-Do, there is a lot of pressure on going on dates and finding “the one”. Often that mindset would get into my head and I would say no to dates because I had this notion that if I went on one date, it would lead to a relationship I didn’t want. Looking back, I wish I had said yes to a couple of dates because I know now that I would have had a great time and I would have gotten to develop more friendships with guys. One of the things that I appreciated about this class is that my professor stressed a lot about taking the time to get to know someone. In the LDS culture, it’s very common for people to become engaged after a month of knowing each other. If it works for them great, but I’m the kind of person that doesn’t like surprises. Taking the time to get to know someone is important because you get to know the person for who they are, and you learn about yourself and what kind of personality works best with yours. People can make most relationships work, but I would rather be in one where I have a better understanding of what I’m getting into than to blindly follow my heart into something that may not last. 

There are so many more things from this semester that I want to talk about, but I will leave you with one more thought which is learning to understand. Learning how to understand someone has helped my life in so many ways. As a friend, I have been able to connect with so many people on a deeper level because I was willing to listen to them and try to understand what they are going through. I have had many friends come up to me and say thank you because I was becoming a better listener and they felt they could talk to me more than they did before.  

This class has been such a blessing to me because it has taught me how to be a better friend and family member. The relationships that I have are the most important to me and this semester has opened my eyes on how I can be and do better in my life.  

Being an Active Parent

     Parenting is hard. Every child is different and so you may have to adjust your parenting style so that you may be able to help your child grow in the best way possible. This week in class we discussed how important it was to be an active parent in your child’s lives. 

    The reason we parent our children is so that they are prepared to become active adults in society and they know how to make wise choices in their future. One example of this is letting the natural consequences to discipline your child.  My professor gave an example of when he was 15, he was about to drive himself to school when he realized that he did not have enough gas to get there. This meant he had to either ride the bus to school or drive his mom’s car. He went inside and told his mom the situation, and his mom said, “Wow that’s too bad, what are you going to do about it?” My professor asked if he could drive her car, but she told him that would not work for her. He ended up riding the bus to school that day. The reason this was important to my professor is that his mom did not bail him out of his problem by offering to buy him gas or letting him take her car but let him experience the consequences of not filling up the gas tank the night before. I fully agree with his mom. I know from my own life how letting the natural consequences of my actions is a better teacher than if my parents bailed me out every time I was in trouble. There was this one time where it was the end of my semester in college and I decided last minute to go home for a semester. The thing is, I had already signed my contract with my apartment and to get out of it I had to pay this huge fee. I talked to my parents about it and they sympathized for me, but they didn’t offer to help me get out of my contract. In the end, I was glad they didn’t because this experience taught me a lot about learning to read contracts carefully and to take the time to make important decisions because to get out of them will cost me. Every mistake I have made in my life was painful, but I wouldn’t take them back because I was able to learn from them and make better decisions in the future. 

     I feel like a lot of parents today want to protect their children and so they end up doing a lot of things for them. But by protecting them from life, they are inadvertently setting them up for failure in their future lives. Their children won’t learn what it means to fail at something or work towards a goal because their parents stepped in and did it for them. 

    Even though letting children learn from their mistakes is the best teacher, there are three cases where it is an exception. The natural consequence will harm them, it’s too far in the future, or it will harm others.  If your child were about to put their hand on the hot stove, you as the parent will pull them away because the natural consequence is that they will get burned and receive a severe injury. For the second one, my professor gave an example of when he worked in counseling for kids who were on their way to jail, there was this one kid (18 years old) who never listened to authority and did whatever he wanted. He asked his parents how he acted in school, and they told him that their son stopped going to school since he was 13. He asked them why they allowed him to skip school and the boy’s parents told him that they figured that their son would eventually figure out that without and education that he won’t be able to get a good job or have a lasting relationship. My professor then asked them when they hoped that realization would come to their son and they said probably around 30. That was over ten years from that point, and the parents realized how silly their solution was. This is an example of when parents need to interject into the situation because the consequence of their child’s choice won’t happen soon enough to be effective. An example for the third case is your child shoplifting. They aren’t being affected personally, but the store they are stealing from is being hurt by the theft. 

    Being an active parent in our children’s lives is hard, but by doing so, we are helping them grow and develop into adults who know how to make wise decisions, which will help them in all aspects of their life in career and family. 

 

The Importance of Fatherhood

 

 The Missing Parent: Chapter 12-Teenage Parents Talk About the Meaning of Early Parenthood: Keith Tuffin, Gareth Rouch, Karen Frewin 

1. 1. When the fathers first found out they were having a child, the study showed that there was a significant change in the boy’s attitudes and behavior. Most of them became more involved with preparing for parenthood with the mother, they started working more hours. The fathers had to switch from the teenager mindset to a provider and father mindset, which a lot of them did gladly. When the authors interviewed the fathers, one of them said it wasn’t about what he wanted in life anymore, it’s about his child’s future and what he can do for them. 

2. 2. A lot of teenage fathers grew up in abusive homes and was surrounded by bad influences. Their own fathers often weren’t around and it had a big impact on their lives regarding security at home and a steady job. They didn’t want that for their child, and so the teenaged fathers when interviewed said that they try to be as involved with their child and their mother as much as possible. They also expressed how they want to move to somewhere new so that their child can grow up in a safer environment that where they grew up. 

3. 3. When they found out they were going to become fathers, the men began to reach out to their family members more and tried to create deeper connections with them, especially their parents and the parents of the mother. They spent more time with their family, and in turn their home life became happier. 

4. 4. One of the biggest struggles is finishing education and getting a full-time time with good wages. Often, the father would have to work menial jobs for hours a day with little pay. This puts a strain on the father-child relationship and their relationship with their partner because they aren’t able to spend the time needed with them and their baby. The fathers also wanted to finish their education so they could get better jobs, which also took time away from their families. 

5. 5. Relationship with the mother has a huge impact on the involvement of the father. When the father is in a loving relationship with the mother, they want to be more involved and they work harder to provide for their family. On the other hand, there are fathers who view their child as a way for the mom to “entrap them”, and so they reject being a father and basically leave the responsibility of being a parent to the mother. 

 

My dad is one of the biggest influences in my life and I am so thankful that he is in my life. One of my favorite experiences with him is when we go exercising on the Greenway trails in Arkansas. Sometimes we would bike to the lake or we would go running. My dad was going to school at this time and so he was often away or doing homework, and so exercising with him was how we spent time together. When we went running, he and I would have really good conversations about what’s going on in our lives and we would talk about different topics. I got to know my dad a lot more than I did before, and developed a deep appreciation and respect for him. 

If there is one thing that I know for certain is that my dad loves his family. He has always put his family first and always makes sure everyone is taken care of. I grew up in the military and so my dad was gone a lot. But when he was home, he would take us camping, fishing, and road trips. He could have easily made the excuse that he was tired, but he didn’t. He is a great example to me of what it means to be a kind, hardworking father that loves his family. The world today has downplayed the importance of fathers which is so sad because fathers bring a sense of security to a home and a lot of my values and goals in life were inspired through the example of my dad.