The Missing Parent: Chapter 12-Teenage Parents Talk About the Meaning of Early Parenthood: Keith Tuffin, Gareth Rouch, Karen Frewin
1. When the fathers first found out they were having a child, the study showed that there was a significant change in the boy’s attitudes and behavior. Most of them became more involved with preparing for parenthood with the mother, they started working more hours. The fathers had to switch from the teenager mindset to a provider and father mindset, which a lot of them did gladly. When the authors interviewed the fathers, one of them said it wasn’t about what he wanted in life anymore, it’s about his child’s future and what he can do for them.
2. A lot of teenage fathers grew up in abusive homes and was surrounded by bad influences. Their own fathers often weren’t around and it had a big impact on their lives regarding security at home and a steady job. They didn’t want that for their child, and so the teenaged fathers when interviewed said that they try to be as involved with their child and their mother as much as possible. They also expressed how they want to move to somewhere new so that their child can grow up in a safer environment that where they grew up.
3. When they found out they were going to become fathers, the men began to reach out to their family members more and tried to create deeper connections with them, especially their parents and the parents of the mother. They spent more time with their family, and in turn their home life became happier.
4. One of the biggest struggles is finishing education and getting a full-time time with good wages. Often, the father would have to work menial jobs for hours a day with little pay. This puts a strain on the father-child relationship and their relationship with their partner because they aren’t able to spend the time needed with them and their baby. The fathers also wanted to finish their education so they could get better jobs, which also took time away from their families.
5. Relationship with the mother has a huge impact on the involvement of the father. When the father is in a loving relationship with the mother, they want to be more involved and they work harder to provide for their family. On the other hand, there are fathers who view their child as a way for the mom to “entrap them”, and so they reject being a father and basically leave the responsibility of being a parent to the mother.
My dad is one of the biggest influences in my life and I am so thankful that he is in my life. One of my favorite experiences with him is when we go exercising on the Greenway trails in Arkansas. Sometimes we would bike to the lake or we would go running. My dad was going to school at this time and so he was often away or doing homework, and so exercising with him was how we spent time together. When we went running, he and I would have really good conversations about what’s going on in our lives and we would talk about different topics. I got to know my dad a lot more than I did before, and developed a deep appreciation and respect for him.
If there is one thing that I know for certain is that my dad loves his family. He has always put his family first and always makes sure everyone is taken care of. I grew up in the military and so my dad was gone a lot. But when he was home, he would take us camping, fishing, and road trips. He could have easily made the excuse that he was tired, but he didn’t. He is a great example to me of what it means to be a kind, hardworking father that loves his family. The world today has downplayed the importance of fathers which is so sad because fathers bring a sense of security to a home and a lot of my values and goals in life were inspired through the example of my dad.
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