Dating and Marriage.

 This week was a doozy. We talked about dating and falling in love. Yep, the L-word. Let me first give you a little background of where I am right now. I am currently a student at BYU-Idaho, nicknamed BYU-I Do. Most people here are either married, engaged, dating or at least open to it. So, you can imagine what the social life is like here. And being a church school that encourages marriage strongly, you can also imagine what the dating life is like here. I once went on a date where I felt like I was being interviewed for the position of future Mrs.____.  

So, what is dating? It used to be where two people would do specific activities together and take the time to get to know each other. Dating was a planned affair that had thought and effort put into it. Now it seems like when people say they are dating, they are usually hanging out in large group and somehow finding out what to do along the way. My professor talked about how this was not a good way to get to know someone because when you’re in a group setting, it’s harder to get to know someone personally and people always act differently when they are in a group instead of when it’s one-to-one.  Dating is especially hard today with the whole pandemic going on. There are limited activities that people can do that are fun and you always have to make sure you maintain proper distance from everyone else. It’s especially hard when you’re in college because you barely have any free time as it is and when you do, often you just want to sit home and do nothing (I speak from personal experience). But dating is important because it gives you the chance to meet new people and develop new relationships whether it’s as friends or you find your partner. 

 Dallin H. Oaks gave a talk called “Dating and Hanging Out” where he explained the differences between hanging out and dating, how dating now has become an “endangered species” and the factors contributing to it. “The cultural tides in our world run strongly against commitments in family relationships. - Whatever draws us away from commitments weakens our capacity to participate in the plan. Dating involves commitments, if only for a few hours. Hanging out requires no commitments.” (Oaks). I will be the first to admit that I often would say that I would rather hang out that date someone. The reason why is because I felt like if I hanged out with someone and I liked them and we had a good connection, then transitioning into dating wouldn’t be hard. But honestly, it sometimes made it harder. There’s been a couple times where I have hung out with a guy and I thought we both liked each other a lot and so I would ask him out, but he wasn’t interested. I mean it’s fine and we are still friends, but I wish I knew that more towards the beginning and didn’t get confused by the fact that hanging out didn’t mean he liked me more than a friend.  I’ve been trying more this semester to make that distinction between hanging out with someone and going on a date with them, and honestly it has made doing activities with other people so much more fun and meaningful. 

The second part of the week we talked about falling in love and getting married. One of the main things we talked about is how long we should date and the benefits that come from a long courtship. In the BYUI culture, it’s pretty common for people to date for a very short period of time before getting engaged. I know of someone who’s roommate got engaged after dating this guy for a week. This would be shocking to me except this happens all the time. People meet and they have this feeling that this person is The One and then they get married. No judgement from me, but I’m the type of person who is very careful and likes to take their time in getting to know someone. I mean, marriage in the church is for eternity, so what is taking a year or two to get to know someone in retrospect?  I know no marriage is perfect and even if you date someone for a long time, there will still be new things to learn about them. But I know that the strongest bonds are built over time and effort.